Keep A Peek

2011 Resolution #4: At least 2 blogposts a week.

There are two kinds of fatigue. The first one, the one that you feel in your muscle, is fairly simple and has an almost fool-proof remedy - you sleep it off. But the second kind, the one that invades your conscious, drills into your mind and scampers around inflicting tears and dodging fixes… this kind, I’m utterly helpless against. Someone once told me that the only reason I never get an answer that satisfies me is because I ask the wrong questions. I think I am just at this point in life where I am done settling. Strip away all the bootcamp-y talks and slogans, I just can’t be arsed anymore to fake it. If I juggle well enough, someday I will be a clown. And even if not, those colorful balls are still pretty damn pretty. However coincidental they might have started out to be. Happiness by happenstance, what could be better?

Let’s talk about everything and nothing.

For the past few weeks I was troubled by a very strange thought. Strange, not because it was outer-spacely nor bizzarely exciting as I am inclined to be attracted to. But because it was very uncharacteristic of me. I realized that I might very well be living the best years of my life. Liberty, friends, love, hobbies, career, money, health - oh hey look, they are balancing peacefully on my happiness scale, for possibly the very first time in my life. And that is a pretty scary thought, isn’t it? That someday they might all go away, that I might not want them as much anymore. That my priorities will be all screwed, and that I might never find myself back in this place again. You know the slippery hand syndrome? I still have it - holding on to things is always difficult for me. And I have never wanted to hold on as much as I do now. But that scares me too.

Narwhals. A predator whale with a long unicorn tusk. Legend has it that the tusk was created when a woman with a harpoon rope tied around her waist was dragged into the ocean after the harpoon had struck a large narwhal.

Nature is amazing. Evolution is mind-boggling. Wickedly so.

I lately became friends with this girl who is incredibly spiky. She’s so different from the usual girls that I meet from my work place. Messy, sharp, funny, kind, playful, unpredictable and alarmingly intelligent. Sometimes she reminds me of myself if I had grew up in an infinitely open-space, in the wild, sans radar detection, without cultural and parental constraints and conventionally defined adjectives. I must admit that I am fascinated and unabashedly attracted. She says I am a closet hippie. I kinda like that.

I’m simultaneously reading a book about objectivism, a book about ants, a book about human trafficking in Japan and a book about Barack Obama (*guffaw*). The point of me saying this is not to let you in to the fact that I have ADD, nor the fact that I am literaturely polygamous, but I do want to remind myself that well, I need a new book shelf. Or maybe two.

“I have trouble catching up with you.” And just like that, he defeated me.