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Interesting TED talk about The Secret of Desire in a Long-Term Relationship

  • Marriage was an economic institution in which you were given a partnership for life in terms of children and social status and succession and companionship. But now we want our partner to still give us all these things, but in addition I want you to be my best friend and my trusted confidant and my passionate lover to boot, and we live twice as long. (laughs)
  • the very ingredients that nurture love — mutuality, reciprocity, protection, worry, responsibility for the other — are sometimes the very ingredients that stifle desire. Because desire comes with a host of feelings that are not always such favorites of love: jealousy, possessiveness, aggression, power, dominance, naughtiness, mischief. Basically most of us will get turned on at night by the very same things that we will demonstrate against during the day. You know, the erotic mind is not very politically correct.
  • Committed sex is premeditated sex. It’s wilful. It’s intentional. It’s focus and presence.

It’s also interesting how she made the connection between how our parent’s attitudes when we first attempt to ‘leave the nest’, so to speak, affect how we approach sex and desire.


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