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Thirty Two

February always feels like a period of awakening. You spent the last year oscillating between extremes. The result was a disjointed, confused and fatigued self. But things are never really as bad as they seem, are they? Perhaps the key is in appreciating the small burst of joyful moments. You and your better half executed project exodus almost flawlessly and made a home out of nothing but ingenuity and determination. Well done. Adaptability is probably your most salient feature. As much as change excites and invigorates you, beware of false positives. The sunlit Sydney is gay and steadfast in its embrace. But be careful of dark corners. You have scratched the surface of what the city has to offer. Now dig deeper and go seek its soul. You traded adventure for security and comfort. Well that was supremely stupid but still not too late to salvage. Don’t be too hard on yourself though. True contentment takes time. It is ok to stop thinking sometimes and just be. You calibrated your moves and tiptoed around emotional landmines. Scepticism became your fallback strategy and it seems to be working. But I have to be honest with you. That stinginess of spirit is not going to make you any richer, or free-er. That voice in your gut that pops up at the most inconvenient of times? Listen to it sometimes. It might help you be kinder and hopefully counter-instructed in your own centrality. When the two people who gave life to you are on the brink of forever never after, your unquestioning loyalty to the quest of self actualisation suddenly seems selfish and hollow. Just know that I love you and there are many others who do. It should not take you until the end of your funnel of choices to know that the kindest thing you can do to yourself is to choose happiness. Be honest in your communication and earnest in your pursuits. Pick the road less travelled. Worry less, live a little, fool around more before you turn into a frumpy old fart. Actually fuck that, you are never too old to fool around. Dance, skip and gather an army of friends while you are at it. Listen closely to your heart. Learn something new every day and relish the things you learn. Be that sore thumb and stumble sometimes. The worst that could happen is you accidentally remain true to yourself. But isn’t that just the most wonderful thing? Make art. Make memories. Make mistakes. And when all else fails and you feel like you can’t go on anymore. Make love.

Happy birthday. :)




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